*regrets*

I have so many regrets that linger on in my memory and today happens to be one of the biggest....

Culmination....Accumulation....i dunno, the words can keep coming but i have had alot on my mind, never really enjoyed this break.....before ns i worked and studied...barely had little sleep....i worked full time, with oni one day off per week, and studied at times 8 modules at one go....right after that the vigours of ns, two years of weird timings, never once did i have proper five hour sleep...i did staggered shifts, in the hot sun, and in the pouring rain and all i asked for is a short break, one month, i believe tml marks my one month of break....
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Even in that i had to work on proposals, i had to help people find their feet, i had to settle domestic problems....yeah i did enjoy in my break, good sleep, catching up on movies and games but after almost three years of shit, one month too much??

Every1 has their limits, i guess i have a deeper limit because of my temper...i knew of my temper and my arrogance, i built an extra layer of patience...yet today it broke...i had enuff of people pushing it all to me, i swore to a gals fren that i wnt bother her? she came to me and said i like talkin to u can we talk, yet today i am the one who broke his swearing.....i had alot of problems with the very foundations that held me....my frens and i were not even talking these few days one pillar down...i thought no matter what i have my family...yet all i hear everyday is i am payin ur bill i am payin this, all u do is eat and play soccer, money money money......every conversation revolves around money.....money this money that...poof there goes the foundation.....

My regret? not controlling my temper....i threw my phone out the window, i broke my house phone and threw alot of stuff out....i have always had a explosive temper its known, yet its also known i dnt respect money...i respect relations...i always pay back every little sum i owe and i never take treats or let sum1 treat me simply because money might lead to fights....i never asked any1 back money they owe me....if they are in a fix and get insulted i wld lose a fren, i rather lose the money than lose a good friend....yet i wonder if i am a idiot in a smart world, or a person with a heart in a heartless world...this world revolves on several own worlds...its like a pack of cards, each card thinks its the best and while the whole pack is standing on support of each card, the whole deck is self-centered.....

Everyone cares about himself/herself.....no1 gives a shit about the world, they talk about saving the world, pollution, i read the Time today about prominent people doing their bit yet would they give all their fortune for the poor? its always cover my own ass den if i have time worry about sum1 else.... is that wat society has become..?? i dnt know animore.....i only see money talking, i dnt belong in this world...this much i know... I dont care about money, i dnt care about myself...i worry about a smile on someones face, i worry about someone else suffering... i worry alot for others yet never do it for myself...

To my frens, i am sorry for being wat i was, but i jus cant take it animore....I have limits too...

To the one who told me she hated me blogging about her, pot calling the kettle black....thanks for showing me that i was an idiot to have believed in you...i dont know what more i can do or say but i dnt want you fren, lover, well-wisher....if i ever see you somewhere, ure just another human i see....i wnt swear cause if one day if situations and fate makes us meet i dnt want ure frens to say i broke my word again....

To the one that is writing this, its not your world, u dnt belong here, u cant change the world, maybe u can pray u find sum1 who tinks sumwat similarly to you...i dnt want to try animore...i will do wateva i can, live this fucked life and hopefully depart soon enough to not regret living.....

Life is a journey not a destination.